I know, it’s been forever since I’ve written in here. Honestly, I feel like I’ve been in a low-level depressive episode for a few months – I haven’t really found myself seriously enjoying anything, I don’t have the drive to do much besides knit and watch TV. I don’t get excited over much of anything anymore. I’m pretty sure it’s due to my birth control – hormones and I don’t always work well together, and so I’m hopping off birth control for the time being to see if I start feeling more like myself again.
I know what I feel like when I’m feeling like myself. Excited, enthusiastic, even when on Adderall to help me keep my focus. Emotional – and that means the full range of emotions, from happy to sad to excited to angry. I get flaily about my hobbies and throw myself into them fully.
I can count on one hand the amount of things I’ve gotten excited about lately, and even then it’s nowhere near my usual level of excitement:
- My cosplay for Gen Con (typically I’d be flailing about this on my other blog nearly constantly, but so far I’ve only got one post about my cosplay)
- My new scooter (which I’ve only ridden twice, partly due to the stupid heat here lately, but also due to the fact that I’m all “eh, maybe I’ll just drive today” – who the hell am I, to choose driving over scootering?)
I want to feel like myself again. I want to throw myself into things excitedly. I want to have the energy and desire to romp around the forest dressed as an elf in the live action roleplaying game I’m in. I want to feel up to riding my scooter anywhere and everywhere. (And, well, having the energy to do housework probably wouldn’t hurt either.)
So, here’s hoping I feel more like myself in the next couple weeks. Maybe I’ll actually remember to update this with progress on how I’m doing, heh.